Funny Birthday Quotes to Keep Everyone Laughing
Inspiring Birthdays

Get Ready to Laugh: Funny Birthday Quotes

Funny Birthday Quotes from some of our wittiest commentators. We’ll start with the great Bette Midler observing what happens to women’s bodies over time!

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
- Bette Midler


The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men.
- Colleen McCullough


Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.
- Joan Rivers


My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres


You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.


You get married at twenty, you're going to be shocked who you're living with at thirty.
- Peter Blake, House M.D., Fools For Love, 2006


From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.


Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.


Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
- Dave Barry


We’ll finish off with some funny birthday quotes from George Burns who lived an amazingly rich, vital and very long life.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.

Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)


Visit 101 Inspirational Ideas for some inspirational birthday ideas, including gifts, invitations, cakes and quotes.

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